Top 5 Myths About What Creates Great Intimacy

Do you find yourself thinking back to the early days of your relationship and just missing the excitement?

The Truth About Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships

Great intimacy doesn’t happen by accident. Many couples struggle because they believe the wrong ideas about how connection actually grows. These common intimacy myths in relationships quietly weaken bonds, create unrealistic expectations, and leave partners feeling confused or disconnected.

Sexual intimacy is one of the greatest gifts a committed relationship offers. We all crave closeness, belonging, and the feeling of being truly known by our partner. Yet after years together, maintaining the level of intimacy you both desire can feel more complex than it once did.

Why Modern Advice Falls Short

You can find endless advice promising to help couples feel closer and happier. But most of it targets new relationships or younger couples — not partners who have built a life together and want to sustain meaningful connection.

If you’ve noticed passion shifting over time or felt that closeness requires more intention than it used to, you’re not alone. Many committed couples ask the same question: How do we keep the fire alive after all these years?

What Actually Creates Deep Intimacy

Real intimacy doesn’t grow from fantasy, pressure, or unrealistic expectations. It grows from understanding, communication, emotional safety, and shared effort. When you focus on what truly nurtures connection in a long-term relationship, intimacy becomes more natural and fulfilling.

You can create deep, lasting intimacy more easily than you think — once you understand what actually works. In this article, we’ll debunk the top five intimacy myths in relationships so you can build a stronger, more passionate connection rooted in truth.

Top 5 Myths About What Creates True Intimacy

Intimacy Myth #1. It needs to be spontaneous.

This belief comes from the early years when sex simply was spontaneous all the time! Everything was new and there was so much to discover about each other. But as life changes and responsibilities grow, sexual intimacy becomes less of a fun urgency. Pair that with hormonal changes, and sex often takes the back burner.

Tip: Schedule it! At first, this might sound boring and awkward, but it can be incredibly helpful. It encourages communication, as well as naturally building anticipation.

Intimacy Myth # 2. It needs to be mysterious.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with mystery, but after being with the same partner for years or decades, it’s going to be hard to maintain this space for the unknown. You know each other so well by now. Why not just remove this requirement altogether?

Tip: Relax into the known. Take an aspect of intimacy you already know your partner enjoys, and then sink deeper into it. Ask questions like, “I know it’s important to you when we talk and connect emotionally first; what is something you especially love when we’re in that moment together?”

Intimacy Myth #3. It needs to be romantic.

Everyone’s idea of romance is different, but there’s often pressure to make it feel “typically” romantic all the time. Rose petals, silks, certain colors, scents, etc.

Tip: Define what romance is to you. What do you and your partner need in order to feel ready and in the mood? Let go of the expectation that it needs to look like it does in the movies. Let yourselves be yourselves—silly, serious, quiet, or talkative.

Intimacy Myth #4. It needs to happen a certain amount of times every week.

Whether you’re in a new relationship or not, this is one of the most frustrating expectations to put on yourselves. The amount of sex you have does not define the success or happiness of your relationship. Some couples are quite content with having it more frequently, and others need it less.

Tip: What do you need and want? What does your partner need and want? That’s all that matters. Refrain from comparison or putting pressure on yourself to be anything other than what is correct for you and your relationship.

Intimacy Myth #5. It needs to last a certain amount of time, every time.

In the beginning, it was easy to get lost in the experience for hours. But it’s unrealistic to expect this to continue in a long-term relationship.

Tip: Two things to consider. Allow yourselves to have it be shorter, fun, yet still intimate and fulfilling. On the other hand, consider the possibility that you can have longer experiences that don’t have to end in an orgasm. It can be enjoyable and easy just to be together and be in the moment together, without making orgasm the goal. Communication about either of these options is important so that both people are on the same page and getting their desires met.

What’s making sex (or communication about sex) difficult for you?

Most of the time, sexual intimacy issues can be traced back to the inability to communicate about them. We just don’t know how!

We want better sex, easier sex—but we’re expected to just know how to have it. We’re expected to just know what our partner wants, or we think they should just know what we want!

In my Sexual Intimacy Revival Course, I help you remove shame, release all the blame, and teach you how to communicate effectively from a healthy, confident place.

I’m not going to teach you the mechanics of how to be intimate. I’m going to teach you how to connect to the sexual creative force that’s already inside of you. This changes everything.

Find out how sexual intimacy can be easier

Bless you,