How We Healed Our Marriage

Fighting. Struggle. Resentment. Too often, this is the reality in relationships.

For Jon and me, it was ours for a long time. I know many couples facing the same challenges—some even considering separation.

The truth is that marriage takes work. No relationship is perfect, but a “perfect” marriage is simply two imperfect people who choose not to give up on each other.

After more than 40 years together, Jon and I transformed our marriage. Here are six powerful ways we did it.

6 Powerful Ways We Healed Our Marriage

1. Take Accountability

Healing starts when you take responsibility for yourself.

I led the way by working on my own healing, and Jon soon joined me. We each found resources—some we explored together, others were unique to our individual journeys.

Taking accountability means letting go of blame and the belief that “they are the problem.” When both partners commit to personal growth, the entire relationship shifts.

2. Stop Being Each Other’s Therapist

As you learn and grow, resist the urge to tell your partner what they need to fix. Instead, focus on your own transformation.

Unless they specifically ask for feedback, let them navigate their own healing. Trust that as you change, the energy of your relationship will shift too.

3. Learn to Communicate Effectively

Great relationships require great communication—but Jon and I had no idea how to communicate when we first got married!

One of the most valuable skills we learned was recognizing when we were too emotionally charged to have a rational conversation. Now, when emotions run high, we say:

“We’re both emotionally flooded. Let’s take a break and talk when we’re clear.”

Then, we give each other space to reset. This simple practice has prevented countless unnecessary conflicts.

4. Prioritize Fun Together

Jon and I love being outdoors, so we make time for activities that bring us joy.

What do you and your partner enjoy? Life can feel heavy—so make space for laughter, adventure, and connection as often as you can.

5. Sleep Separately When It Feels Right

You don’t hear this advice often—but it changed our marriage.

Jon and I have different sleep habits, and for years, it disrupted our rest and affected our relationship. When we finally allowed ourselves to sleep separately when needed, everything improved: our intimacy, communication, and overall connection.

We still share a bedroom and bathroom, but sleeping in separate beds when necessary has been a game-changer. Let go of the idea that sleeping together is the measure of a healthy marriage—it’s not!

6. Heal Your Sex Life

Our sex life was broken from the start. It took us years to work through layers of wounding and arrive at a place where intimacy feels honoring and enjoyable.

One of the biggest turning points? Learning how my own body functions.

If you don’t fully understand your own anatomy, I highly recommend Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston. I also wrote a detailed post on how we healed our sex life, with even more insights.

Ready to Heal Your Relationship?

If you’re struggling in your marriage, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

Inside the Carol Tuttle Healing Center, I created The Relationship Reset—a healing plan designed to help you uncover limiting beliefs, break unhealthy patterns, and create the connection you desire.

And starting March 10, I’ll personally guide you through this powerful course! Join me for a step-by-step experience to heal your relationship with deeper support and insights.

Start your 14-day free trial today and be part of this special guided experience!

Join the Relationship Reset

Bless you,

P.S. Understanding our Energy Types was another huge breakthrough for Jon and me. When I learned that Jon is a soft, subtle Type 2 man and I am a rich, dynamic Type 3 woman, everything made more sense!

If you don’t know your Type yet, start your free Beginner’s Guide here and discover how it can transform your relationships.