What If Healing Means Leaving Someone Behind?

Are you a fixer? When you see someone struggling, do you rush in to make things better?

It’s normal and natural to see someone in a pinch and want to help them. As human beings, we have an immense capacity to feel compassion for others—it’s a beautiful thing!

Where it gets dangerous is when you repeatedly take on someone else’s problems to the point where your life then suffers as a result.

How do you find the balance between healing yourself and helping others at the same time? When you put someone else’s problems before your own well-being, you’re actually not helping anyone.

In fact, you’re preventing healing for both of you.

The difference between help and hindrance

Each month, I host a Live Coaching Call for all the members of The Carol Tuttle Healing Center. These calls are always phenomenal, and everyone who watches them learns so much. And we just had our November call last week!

During the call, I answered many thoughtful questions from the live viewers. One of them in particular is one I want to highlight here. Karen is a Healing Center member who asks:

“I’ve taken on a lot of my husband’s stuff to protect him and keep things feeling normal at home. I would love to learn how to stay in my own energy and not feel so attached to his.

But she’s worried: her husband is going through a lot. How can she stop taking on his energy without feeling like she’s abandoning him?

Is your “help” really helping them?

Think about where in your own life you take on someone else’s energy, problems, or when you make up the difference. It could be at work, with your boss or coworker, or at home with a family member.

Do you relate to any of these?

• I make up the difference when I fix something they didn’t do correctly.
• I make up the difference because they didn’t show up.
• I make up the difference when they’re in a bad mood.
• I make up the difference in parenting.
• I make up the difference when it comes to home responsibilities.
• I make up the difference when they don’t initiate or finish what they needed.
• I make up the difference financially, physically, emotionally, etc.

At first, these might sound like normal things you have to do because they’re what makes you a “good” something: a good employee, a good boss, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, a good friend, etc.

But every time you make up the difference, you’re not leaving a space for them to show up.

It’s time to heal yourself and allow others to do their own work.

Let’s set a new intention:

“I am grateful for my balanced relationship where we both show up equally.”

Setting the intention is easy! The hard part comes next. Stop making up the difference. Stop trying to fix the problem or confront the person. Instead of getting them to show up equally, leave them alone. Don’t worry about them.

Work on yourself. Do your own healing work. When you stop rushing in to fix their problems, you create the space for them to fix it themselves. It’s not love to take that away from them—it’s love to give them that opportunity!

Moving forward with your healing helps everyone.

This was just one of the powerful insights we covered on the live coaching call. Want to see even more? Watch the replay here.

You get access to this Coaching Call (and all the other calls we’ve done in the past) when you’re a member of the Healing Center. If you haven’t joined us yet, you can get your first two weeks free!

Start your (FREE) complimentary two weeks here!

How did this call help you? Post about your insights and “aha” moments in the members-only Healing Center Facebook group.

Psst. This coaching call had giveaways exclusively for our live Zoom attendees that are now closed. As you watch the replay, if you feel a tug toward any of the resources mentioned, treat yourself to them! You’re being called to them for a reason.

Bless you,