Everyone has a tendency to experience some degree of codependency—but you may not even know that you are!
A simple way to describe codependency is the pattern of sacrificing your own needs for others to an unhealthy extent. It’s one thing to be a caring, kind, thoughtful person. But we’ve been taught to believe that always putting others first, so much that you are “selfless,” is the true testament of love.
If we look at the word “selfless,” we think it means to be “unselfish,” but really it means to be without self, or to have less of yourself. Ultimately, you lose yourself.
This is where codependency creeps in. Because when you don’t take care of yourself, you look to others to take care of you instead. And when others do not meet your expectations, it creates a toxic, disappointing dynamic.
How do you know if you’re codependent?
Some common signs of codependency are…
- You have trouble making decisions for yourself
- You have trouble knowing which feelings are yours, or the other person’s
- You struggle communicating your needs, wants, or opinions to your partner
- You place more value on the approval or opinions of others than on yourself
- You people-please
- You don’t trust yourself
- You have low self-esteem
- You have low self-worth
- You struggle to take care of yourself
- You break promises to yourself or lack follow-through on basic needs
If you relate to these, there’s a good chance you’re in a codependent relationship, or that you have been in one in the past and are still carrying out those deep-rooted behaviors and beliefs.
Where does codependency come from?
Codependency is a byproduct of not having your emotional needs met in your childhood. You tried different strategies as a child to attempt to get your needs met, but with no success.
The first codependent relationships most of us were involved in is with one or more of our parents or caretakers.
These unhealthy patterns have been carried into your adult life and affect your friendships or romantic partnerships without you even knowing it.
We often think we’re rational adults, making choices based on what’s happening in the current moment. But what really happens is that our inner child runs the show and attempts to get their needs met. The bulk of your inner child was created between the ages of 0-7, though she can also extend up into 14 years as well.
At first, it can be hard to believe that you have an inner child determining how you behave and connect in relationships.
But consider the possibility that once you accept this, you immediately begin the healing process. You free your inner child from taking care of your adult self.
A new resource to help you heal codependency
This session will free your inner child from playing out these old patterns, so you can create a healthy experience with yourself and others in your relationships.
As a result of doing this clearing, you’ll notice a shift within yourself. You’ll be able to make decisions that are correct for you, first. You’ll know exactly how you feel and what you want. You’ll feel confident in your boundaries and standards.
When you have healed your patterns of emotional codependency, you become emotionally independent. This doesn’t mean you won’t want emotional support from your partner—it means you will no longer depend on it to feel good about yourself.
It’s absolutely possible to create a more positive experience in your relationships by healing codependent patterns.
In my book, Mastering Affluence, I share that as you heal, “You are aware of each other’s needs and wants and come together to work on supporting each other without being emotionally dependent on each other. Emotional support looks like buoying each other up when needed, giving emotional support without your partner being emotionally dependent or you feeling emotionally dependent on them to feel good about yourself.”
Go and do the Clearing Session for Codependency. If you’re not yet a member of the Healing Center, you can start your 14-day free trial to access this clearing—and over 100 others to help you heal deep issues.