Have you ever thought about how often the decisions you make in your adult life are still determined by the “shoulds” you heard as a child?
If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated about something, ask yourself, “Is this coming from my parents? Is there a “should” attached to this?”
Go back in time. What was your mom or dad’s opinion of this issue? What were their expectations of you?
This could relate to anything. Your lifestyle, religion, political affiliations, parenting style, or even something that feels smaller by comparison: keeping your home tidy.
When we feel like we “should” do something, the energy is restrictive and makes us resistant to the task we need to do or the action we need to take. What you want to do is remove the “should” energy completely. This frees you up to decide if it’s something that’s even correct for you to do. Then you can move forward.
But how do you do this?
How your parent’s “shoulds” are still running your life
Each month, I have a Live Coaching Call for all the members of The Carol Tuttle Healing Center. And we just had our September call a few days ago!
I taught how there are 3 main ways you’re repeating your parent’s patterns. We covered generational patterns and habits that are showing up in your adult life and how you replace your parents in the ways you treat and talk to yourself.
During the call, I brought on a guest to coach her through an issue she’s having. We welcomed Paula, a devoted Healing Center member who shared:
“My family always criticized me for never keeping my room tidy. I hear my mom’s voice in my head about the cleanliness of my own home now.”
We approached this in two steps. While this particular post addresses cleaning and maintaining a home, these steps can be applied to any area of your life!
1. Consider everyone’s Energy Types.
What Energy Type are your parents? Consider the possibility that their rules and expectations came from their own natural movement, without knowing about the need of honoring yours!
Paula is a Type 1 in my system of Energy Profiling. As a Type 1, your level of cleanliness is probably going to look random and messy. It’s not wrong, it’s just different! Especially when you compare it to someone like a Type 4, who tends to be more minimalist and structured.
Depending on your Energy Type, you have to decide what clean is for you. Some people like the random, high movement energy where their items are all over the home. Others like things neat and tidy.
The truth of the matter is that there is no right or wrong way to keep a house clean! It’s all about what is correct for you.
2. Make a new point of reference of what is clean for you.
Not mom or dad’s version of clean, but your version of it. You have to ground yourself in what is correct for you, “This is my type of clean.”
For some people, this will feel easy and just take a few changes in their habits to give themselves permission to do what is correct for them.
But for some of you, it’s not easy and you will still feel guilt and resistance. What you may not realize is that their “should” is standing in the way of you even being able to know what that new reference is.
3. Do the Should Scrambler.
Go through the Should Scrambler to reduce pressure and obligation you feel has control over you.
This is a short, powerful session that will break state and scramble your brain to release the energetic hold that’s in place.
Do this scrambler as often as you may need it while you heal this issue.
Once you are free of this shaming narrative of “shoulds,” what will happen is that it will still pop into your head but you’ll have an objective, calm response now. “Oh, there that is again.” You’ll find yourself breaking the habit of your thinking mind. You’ll open the space to become more motivated and aware to create the outcome you really want, like a home that feels clean to you.
Be Free From Shaming Shoulds.
This was just one of the powerful insights we covered on the live coaching call. Want to see even more? Watch the replay here.
You get access to this Coaching Call (and all the other calls we’ve done in the past) when you’re a member of the Healing Center. If you haven’t joined us yet, you can start your 14-day free trial right now.
How did this call help you? Post about your insights and “aha” moments in the members-only Healing Center Facebook group.
Psst. This coaching call had giveaways exclusively for our live Zoom attendees that are now closed. As you watch the replay, if you feel a tug toward any of the resources mentioned, treat yourself to them! You’re being called to them for a reason.