It’s that time of year where you’re attending more gatherings than usual. You’re reuniting with friends from out of town, and spending extra time with extended family—which could be great, or not!
The holidays are supposed to be a time of warmth and cheer, but for some of us, they can be a trigger for loneliness. Even if you’re surrounded by people you love and care about, heavy feelings still creep up on you.
This is normal. It’s also a sign you have something to heal. I know what it is, and I can help you heal this easily. Here’s how…
Feeling lonely? You’re not crazy.
Take a deep breath. Being among a group of people and still feeling lonely is not a sign you’re broken. It’s simply a sign you have an abandonment wound inside of you that needs extra care and attention. That’s what we’re going to do right now: focus your attention right on this wound! Bring it to light. Surround it with love.
If you had a broken bone, you wouldn’t feel ashamed of it or hide it away from the world. You would go to the doctor, get a cast, and take care of yourself while your bone set again. You would feel proud and empowered by taking this course of action!
Where do the abandonment wounds come from?
The fear of being abandoned is rooted in your birth story and childhood experiences. There is a strong chance you experienced some form of physical or emotional abandonment in your birth or childhood.
For example, you could carry the energy of abandonment just from having the umbilical cord cut and being taken out of the presence of your mother at your birth. You may have a fear of abandonment as a result of being left at a sitter’s when you were not properly informed or prepared emotionally for this event. You could have experienced the trauma of a parent leaving due to your parents’ separation and divorce. And adoption may have left you feeling abandoned by your birth parents or any other life-changing event that caused a loved one to leave you unexpectedly.
Consider the possibility that you are even running a generational pattern that goes back several generations! You may have been beating yourself up for something that was started before you were even born.
If you run this deep-seated fear, you will have secondary strategies to try and prevent being abandoned that you may not even be aware of.
Do you self-sabotage as a defense mechanism?
I have seen many of my clients unknowingly self-sabotage their lives because they run the fear of being alone or abandoned.
Once you recognize this in yourself, you begin to see that every incorrect decision you have ever made in your life linked back to this. Maybe you found yourself in unhealthy, codependent relationships, acquired the habit of people-pleasing, allowed others to use you, or betrayed your authentic self because you feared the loss of love.
Now you may find yourself going into the opposite direction, into avoidance behaviors, to prevent those same things from happening again!
This fear is carried by your inner child and is the part of you that is still believing you have to try and prevent being abandoned.
How to clear the fear of abandonment.
In the Carol Tuttle Healing Center, I created this Clearing Session for Fear of Abandonment. It includes a thorough, powerful clearing video that you can follow along with as you go through the full session. Here is a powerful portion of that script:
While tapping repeat after me, “Even though I’m afraid I will be abandoned, I now choose to heal this old fear. Even though I’ve been making choices unknowingly to try and prevent being abandoned, I am ready to change that. Even though this is a deep-seated fear, I’m clearing it easily and gracefully. Letting go of… Abandoned, alone, lonely. Pleasing for love. Have to do what others want me to do so they don’t leave me. Releasing trying to make up the difference. Pleasing mom. Pleasing dad. Hopeless. Not good enough. People hurt me. Others have more power than me. Insecure, deep grief, anger.”
As you clear this energy that holds the fear of abandonment, you will feel lighter. Place your hand on your heart, forgiving yourself for believing you were unlovable. Forgive others for playing off the script you gave them based on your inner beliefs. You are now changing those beliefs.
Now continue to tap while repeating, “I am safe to love and trust. I am deserving to be loved. I’m experiencing others are there for me in the way that I need and want them to be. I am loving and respecting myself. I am loved and nurtured. I am safe to be my true self. I am safe to say no, I am safe to have boundaries and to make correct choices for me. I am in the container of my own energy. I am wanted, I am chosen, I am important. I am the creator of my reality. I’m confident, independent, and whole.”
Doing this Clearing Session will assist you in experiencing a profound release and healing from feeling abandoned and alone in life. You will clear the triggers that provoke a feeling and fear of being abandoned.
Your life can change as you release this fear of abandonment
“I want to share an experience I had with the Clearing Session for Fear of Abandonment. Wow. It was hard! It was revealing. It was the most powerful clearing I’ve done so far.
“I did the session in the morning and it was the heaviest energy ever. It weighed TONS. It felt as if I were completely solid; a vibration so heavy it had no movement. It took all the effort I had to complete the session. I had to do it slowly because it felt like I was locked inside a steel structure. It was hard to stay present. I stayed firm and went all the way to the end. When I finally finished I had to sleep. I slept for 3 hours! I am glad I had nothing on my schedule today.
“I woke up with the insight to do the clearing again, which I just finished. The heaviness was similar at the beginning, but when Carol asks us to visualize the moment the umbilical cord was cut, everything broke. The flood gate opened and I cried non-stop. I felt it all! The energy began to move. Tears and yawning permeated the clearing. I had flashes of how this fear has been inside me without being consciously aware of it. It played a big role in my marriage for many years as co-dependency (which I have healed), in the relationship with my sister and my Dad, and I remembered with pristine clarity this same feeling when my younger daughter was born. The year she was born was an incredibly difficult time in my life. I know this feeling is in her too – I will do a proxy healing for her.
“This is all so beautiful and the timing so perfect. I am grateful I chose to follow the ‘small still voice’ inside me and did this clearing. I would have never imagined there was so much density inside me. I feel much lighter now and am curious to see what shows up.”
It’s time for you to step into the truth: you are worthy of love!
This post contains only a portion of the full clearing. I encourage you to take time today and do the full clearing. As a Healing Center member, you get unlimited access. If you’re not a member yet, you can join for free when you sign up for a free trial.