Now as adults, some people believe they are independent of their family-of-origin energy, but this isn’t the case. Instead what happens is you rebel against that energy or try to fix the dysfunction that’s still going on among family members.
You’re meant to have healthy family relationships while staying free of the family dysfunction, but you might not know how to do that—especially if you’re still stuck in that energy.
How can you get out? The answer is simple.
How to know if you’re still stuck in dysfunctional family energy
You can ask yourself a few questions:
- Do I feel or sense judgment from my family that bothers me?
- Do I ever feel stuck or unable to act because of how another family member will probably respond?
- Do I sometimes feel family members are yanking my chain, trying to get me to play old roles in my family system?
- Which of the energy archetypes do I fall into when I am around my family of origin? (You can read more about the energy archetypes in my book, “The Modern Chakra Guide.”)
Here’s a story that will help you see how simply and powerfully you can release those old patterns and root your own energy in family relationships.
How Sam broke free from dysfunctional family patterns
Sam is a 31-year-old male who comes from a family of three sisters and parents who have been unhappily married for most of their 32-year marriage. Sam has partially removed himself from creating drama and struggle with the family members, but not entirely. He no longer creates upsetting experiences with any of his family members directly. But he is still involved by being willing to be the sounding board or mediator of the drama that they create with each other. A recent conversation he was having with his mother went like this:
Mom: Your father is just mean. He’s just rude to me. He tries to listen to what I want to change until he can’t anymore and just puts it back on me.
Sam: Mom, he’s hurting just as much as you are. His intentions are good, he wants to be with you, he cares about you.
Mom: Well I am just tired. I don’t know if I should stay with him any longer.
Sam’s mom has been saying the same thing since he was 12 years old. One night when he was 12, she tucked him into bed and asked him, “Sam, should I stay with your father?” In that moment 12-year-old Sam was enrolled in the job of mediating his parents’ miserable marriage. No child wants their parents to divorce and he felt a weight of responsibility to keep them from doing so.
I had Sam do a visualization with his 12-year-old self and hand that job back to his mom and dad. He broke down in tears, as he had been carrying that energy from his parents for 19 years! He set his 12-year-old self free that day and gave the energy of his parents’ dysfunctional marriage back to them, so he no longer had to carry it on his path.
Let go of your family’s energy.
What are you carrying for your family that isn’t yours to carry? When you are energetically your own person, standing in your own truth and light, you no longer feel the need to react against your family or try to fix it.
You are no longer triggered by your family members’ choices. You no longer speak ill of family and you no longer have any desire to be a part of the old energy of family struggle and drama with them in any way.
So how do you have a relationship with your family when they are still operating in dysfunctional energy patterns?
A visualization to establish a different role and rapport with your family
It’s common for people to have their energy rooted in their parents’ energy. Here is how you can uproot yourself from that energy.
Softly close your eyes and imagine you can look at the roots that are growing beneath your feet. Are your roots tight and bound with a parent’s root energy? Do you see that the roots are choking and constricted as you continue to play out patterns of being your parent’s pleaser or victim? Take a moment and imagine you can unbind the roots and pull the energy of your parents’ roots out of yours. Imagine your own roots grounding firmly into the earth below you. Take a deep breath.
It can take time, but with practice, you will achieve a new role in your family.
You have to gain stamina to hold your own so that they do not trigger you.
You can let them know you are not interested in getting involved in their life issues and you trust they will find answers to their challenges.
Interact with them by listening, validating them, loving them and making suggestions to do fun and enjoyable activities together.
You may find you spend less time with them, yet the time you do spend is pleasant and enjoyable for everyone.
You can become the family member that everyone feels loved and supported by.
How to know when you’re energetically free from your family system energy
You no longer judge it or are emotionally triggered by it. You can observe it and appreciate it for what it is—an experience that many people are choosing to have.
Want to read more about standing in your truth and breaking old patterns?
I just released my newest book, The Modern Chakra Guide to help you tap into the new energy of the planet—this new energy is upgrading your chakra system without you even knowing. This book will be your practical guide to navigate these changes so you can rise above the chaos.
“When I read about the root chakra, I immediately saw an image of my roots, in animal print, of course (Type 3 😂), my dad’s roots in polka dots (he’s Type 1) and my mom’s in a high-sheen silver with some diamonds in them. (She was a Type 4). So I later did a visualization of their roots untangling from mine. My parents were happy to have them back, having wanted me to be grounded in myself. It was a great experience and now I have a ‘go to’ in case I’m feeling unrooted in myself. 🙌🏻 Thank you, Carol, for this book! ❤️”