Do you feel positive about yourself? Do you love who you are, or are you more focused on others?
Most of us wouldn’t say we are negative or down on ourselves, but the reality is—we are. I know from personal experience how easy it is to beat yourself up for mistakes and expect the worst from yourself. But this “self-abuse” is harmful and I want more for you.
I made a conscious effort to switch to positivity and self-love in my own life, and I want that for you too! I can show you how to appreciate your inner beauty and worth in a healthy way. Let’s talk about how we can stop negative thoughts and practice self-love. It’s going to make a huge difference in your success and relationships.
Are You too Hard on Yourself?
You might not think you are a negative person. Most of us tend to feel we are positive and realistic. But research has shown that many of our thoughts are naturally negative. Psychology Today did this study on college students, and the students were shocked to find that 60-70% of their thoughts were negative. The students had expected to find 60-75% of their thoughts positive. Do you often think things like:
- Someone else is doing better than me.
- I am not where I should be in life (or I’m not as far as I wanted to be).
- Why am I the only one facing this problem?
- What does he/she want from me?
- I don’t know how to make them happy.
- Why doesn’t so-and-so listen to my perspective?
- Why doesn’t he/she do this the “right” way?
- Why do I have to do everything myself?
- I knew I was going to mess that up.
It’s highly likely these thoughts enter your mind and you immediately correct them. When you think “I knew I was going to mess that up,” your next thought might be “Well, at least ____________.” You have been trained not to be negative, but this is only a short-term fix!
What happens is, many of us replace our negative thoughts with positive thoughts, according to Psychology Today. This provides us with a short-term positive approach, but it doesn’t deal with the deep-seated desires and underlying insecurities that are provoking those thoughts in the first place. To adjust our thinking, we need to understand the deep conflict causing those negative thoughts.
Why is it so Important to Love Yourself?
The self-love journey provides the confidence and self-worth that will improve your natural positivity. Did you know around 70% of adults regularly feel like they aren’t “good enough?”
It is easier to love those around you and make better choices when you care about yourself. Happiness and positivity typically lead to caring for yourself and those around you—which leads to more positivity and happiness! It’s kind of the opposite of a vicious cycle; it’s a circular cause-and-effect that you need to break into. When you replace the deep-seated negativity with positivity, you will find:
- More forgiveness for flaws and weaknesses
- Patience with your inner child
- Patience towards others
- Deeper love for others
- Better relationships
- Stronger friendships
- Reduced anxiety and depression
- Insight and vision for the future
- Ability to align and heal chakras
- Inner balance
- Healthy mindset without self-sabotage
- Compassion and acceptance for others
- Compassion and acceptance for yourself
- Deeper understanding of unconditional love
- More trust for self and others
- Healthier choices
- Access to spiritual growth
15 Ways to Love Yourself
Improving your deep negativity with true self-love can be difficult. This is going to take practice and focused effort. Your goal is to change the natural mindset towards a healthier one. Here are a few things I want you to incorporate into your daily activities to help shift your underlying negativity to self-love and positivity.
1. Forgive Yourself
You aren’t going to get far if you can’t forgive yourself for failings, weaknesses and mistakes. In some cases, this is going to require making things right with someone you’ve harmed. But, it’s important you don’t stay in a state of self-loathing. Make things right as much as you can, ask for forgiveness when you wrong or hurt someone else, and then forgive yourself. Part of forgiving yourself is allowing yourself to move on, believing that you can (and will) do right next time.
2. Support Yourself
Making time for sleep, eating nutritious foods and getting plenty of exercise are so important for loving yourself! Support your physical needs and you will feel better too! We often turn to “comfort” foods and lax levels of self-care when we are feeling low. This is a form of self-sabotage! So, take care of yourself and support your well-being with healthy habits.
3. Surprise Yourself
It might be a little difficult to surprise yourself, but it can be done! Choose to act on whims (following your Solar Plexus or “sixth sense”). Do things you aren’t sure you can do and let yourself be surprised at the outcome. Stop overthinking and do more of the things you feel drawn to do!
4. Give Yourself Breaks
A constant on-the-go lifestyle is not healthy and will be hard on you long-term. Schedule in breaks where you can focus on slowing down, self-care and relaxation. When you are feeling overwhelmed, realize that is not you failing—it is your body and mind telling you to take a break. Listen to yourself when you are feeling overloaded and schedule times to slow down. Don’t even schedule fun things during these times. The best way to wind down is to really not have anything requiring your focus or energy.
5. Say No and Establish Boundaries
You can love and care for others, but knowing when to set boundaries is part of that. People shouldn’t be allowed to walk all over you and take advantage of you. The goal is to care for others, not become a self-made martyr. Some people use this as a form of self-harm, “killing” themselves for others so they can feel better. But, this is still as sign of underlying self-loathing and overextending yourself for the sake of other people isn’t going to heal that part of you.
It is so important not to become a “yes man.” You need to be able to say no when things aren’t a good fit for you. It is great to serve and support others, but this does not make you worthy! Some of us struggle to feel like we need to “earn” our value. You are valuable just as yourself and nothing you do is going to add to that value! So, say “no” when you don’t think something is going to be healthy or valuable. And, work on not feeling like you need to give a reason or excuse.
Healthy boundaries are good for every relationship and some need them more than others! If you are in a toxic relationship with a loved one, those boundaries are crucial to your health and self-love.
6. List Your Accomplishments
Write out a list of the things you’ve done well. Write out your qualities and the parts of you that bring innate value. Physically making a list will help you see them and internalize them. Realize that the most valuable parts of you aren’t found in your list of accomplishments. What you do is important, but who you are is more important.
7. Stop the Unnecessary Apologizing
Do you apologize when things aren’t really your fault? If someone wants you to make a change on a work project, do you start with “Oh, sorry!” when you didn’t do anything wrong? Sometimes (and especially when we are insecure), we apologize too much. Before you let out a sorry, stop and ask yourself “what am I sorry for?” If you didn’t do anything to be sorry about, then don’t use that word or terminology! It can make us feel like we need to please that person or be more like them and that is not healthy. Even in the case of a boss, you can make changes without apologizing or you can stand up for what you are seeing if it is something important.
Next time someone wants you to change something, accept or reject their request without apologizing for your original attempt. It is okay to be different and we need to realize our perspective is just as important as the next person’s perspective. Don’t apologize for thinking differently or approaching things differently.
8. Give Yourself Due Credit
When you do something well, do you admit it? Stop downplaying your achievements and using self-deprecating jokes. Humility is a great thing, but it isn’t actually achieved by downplaying your qualities and successes. Imagine if Michael Jordan just kept saying he was terrible at basketball—wouldn’t that be irritating? We all know he worked hard and is probably the greatest player of all time. He’s an extreme example, but it’s really important to realize that when someone is good, we want them to be able to admit that too. You are good at things, so be humble enough to admit your own strengths and achievements. Let others celebrate with you and enjoy your talents too!
9. Slow Down and Listen
There is so much going on in the world! Slow down and take the time to meditate. Listen for the voice of God and find guidance. It is so important to clear your mind and allow your upper chakras to be empowered, especially if you tend to be more lower chakra dominant. If, however, you tend to be more of a daydreamer and scattered person, then you need to take this time to connect those upper chakras to the lower ones, empowering yourself toward action with confidence. Without all seven chakra systems balanced, you will continue to struggle with feeling disjointed and unsure. Slow down and take time to reconnect those centers.
10. Find Inspiration and Visualize
As you connect your chakra energy centers, take time to find inspiration from Source. Stop and consider what you want to achieve for more affluence in your life. This isn’t just money, but the wealth you want to have in your relationships, profession, personal growth and more. Work on finding that inspiration from your Crown Chakra and then visualizing it into existence. Use this process to find inspiration for true self-love and visualize your success. Picture what it looks like to love yourself. Imagine how you would act or think differently. Keep visualizing self-love and acting on it until you achieve a deeper sense of self-worth and self-value.
11. Challenge Yourself
Push yourself to try new things and experiences outside of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to act in ways you wouldn’t naturally act. You can change, so challenge yourself to think outside your own box. Don’t put limits on who you can be!
12. Trust Yourself
Believe in yourself and know that you can do great things! Trust yourself to achieve the amazing things you find inspiration to do. You will need to trust yourself to truly visualize success and achieve it. I know you can do this!
13. Have Fun by Yourself
A dangerous part of self-love is when we hinge it on other people’s love, friendship and approval. People fail us all the time because no one is perfect. Finding your self-worth means loving yourself when you are left to yourself. So, look for ways to nurture this self-love by spending time with yourself in fun ways. Enjoy that walk through a beautiful park, dinner at a special location or watching a show on your own from time to time! Pick up a hobby for an invigorating and tension-releasing way to spend time with yourself.
14. Commit to Travel More
Seeing other parts of the world and different cultures really helps us get outside of our own mindset. When we realize just how big and diverse the world is, it is easier to see the value in so many perspectives and personalities. Commit to traveling more frequently than you are right now. Save up to take even a short trip to somewhere new each year. You can make a goal for traveling at least once a year and leaving the country every five years. In order to make these trips, it’s important to save your money ahead of time and look for ways to travel cheaply. The goal isn’t a luxury vacation, but a chance to see new parts of the world.
15. Get Support
Talking to a professional carries a lot of stigma, but you shouldn’t write it off. Even healthy people have physical check-ups every year. Why aren’t healthy people supposed to have check-ups with mental health professionals? We need to break this stigma and realize mental health is just as important as physical health. No one expects you to stay physically healthy your entire life and never need a doctor. Why do we think mental health is so different? Talk to a professional to get the support you need for a healthy mental perspective of yourself. You can join my Healing Center to participate in sessions that help you find your block and take steps towards healing and balance.
The more you learn to love yourself, the more you can care for others more honestly and fully. You are worthy of love. I want you to find the same healing I did. I once faced deep, crippling depression and self-loathing. But, there is light and you can heal from this! Check out my Healing Center to find confidence in being your authentic self.